As a christian who lives day be day trusting and praying to God for everything I do, it may surprise you that I don’t always see eye to eye with the Almighty.
To some of you that may shock you and leave you with a list of questions for me but for some who have dealt with pain and disappointment in their lives, you may just know where I am coming from. Let me explain.
My mom is a good woman. She does a lot for many people. She puts her aches and pains on the back burner daily as she tends to others. Most moms do this as you well know. Over her lifetime, she has had to overcome many unfair obstacles. She had to raise two children on her own with no help of child support. My father was an addict to drugs and alcohol. She fell at work and broke her neck. Yes, you read it right, her neck. She has had many surgeries to repair the fracture and damage but pain is something that she has had to deal with on a daily basis. She had to retire early because of her injury and filed for disability but the state of Utah only rewarded her with a one time disability check that lasted for about one year. She is the sole provider for for not one, but four old people in their 90’s. She takes care of them by taking them to doctors appointments, paying their bills, grocery shopping and the daily upkeep of making sure that they take their medication,that they are clean and fed. All this while suffering pain from her neck and back.
Last year she had to have not one but two back surgeries because of bad discs. She ended up having her back fused like her neck because when you injure one part of your back, over time, the rest slowly deteriorates. The first surgery failed so two weeks later she had to have a do over. Just her luck. She has since then recovered.
Never during this time has she taken pain pills. She can’t take them because they make her very sick. So she suffers every day. Some days are good and some days are bad.
At the end of the day she embraces her recliner with a much deserved rest.She gets great enjoyment out of reading and sewing. But now, she has a new struggle. You see, she is developing holes in the macular part of the eye. She now she is loosing her sight. She can have surgery and that will help restore only 50 % of her sight.The surgery involves only a one day outpatient surgery but the recovery requires her to be on her stomach for three weeks so that the patch that is placed on the back of her eye ball stays put long enough to adhere. She needs both eyes done, but only one eye can be done at a time.
So yesterday, I sat in my house having a one on one discussion with God. I asked Him when is enough, enough for her? I know they say God gives you what you can handle, but I say she has had enough DARN IT! She has not had one day to enjoy her retirement that required a day just for her pure enjoyment without dealing with the burdens of others or suffering from one ailment after another. It is just not fair. God sat and listened to me and I sure he stepped over me attending to the needs of others while listening much like I used to when my kids through there tantrums in the middle of the isle of the grocery store. And when I was done, He placed me on his lap, dried my eyes and assured me that He had everything in control.
He placed a bandage on my boo boo and told me to get back to work.
Father, I know that you have control over everything in my life. I know that you do the same for others. I am sorry that I behaved like a child today and threw my little tantrum. I am especially grateful that you love me anyway. Help me to be strong and in control so that I can take care of my mom like she and you have taken care of me. Amen