Monthly Archives: August 2013

Temper-tantrum with God

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As a christian who lives day be day trusting and praying to God for everything I do, it may surprise you that I don’t always see eye to eye with the Almighty. 

To some of you that may shock you and leave you with a list of questions for me but for some who have dealt with pain and disappointment in their lives, you may just know where I am coming from.  Let me explain.

My mom is a good woman. She does a lot for many people. She puts her aches and pains on the back burner daily as she tends to others.  Most moms do this as you well know.  Over her lifetime, she has had to overcome many unfair obstacles.  She had to raise two children on her own with no help of child support.  My father was an addict to drugs and alcohol.  She fell at work and broke her neck.  Yes, you read it right, her neck.  She has had many surgeries to repair the fracture and damage but pain is something that she has had to deal with on a daily basis.  She had to retire early because of her injury and filed for disability but the state of Utah only rewarded her with a one time disability check that lasted for about one year.  She is the sole provider for for not one, but four old people in their 90’s. She takes care of them by taking them to doctors appointments, paying their bills, grocery shopping and the daily upkeep of making sure that they take their medication,that they are clean and fed.  All this while suffering pain from her neck and back.  

Last year she had to have not one but two back surgeries because of bad discs. She ended up having her back fused like her neck because when you injure one part of your back, over time, the rest slowly deteriorates.  The first surgery failed so two weeks later she had to have a do over. Just her luck. She has since then recovered.  

Never during this time has she taken pain pills.  She can’t take them because they make her very sick.  So she suffers every day.  Some days are good and some days are bad.  

At the end of the day she embraces her recliner with a much deserved rest.She gets great enjoyment out of reading and sewing.  But now, she has a new struggle.  You see, she is developing holes in the macular part of the eye.  She now she is loosing her sight.  She can have surgery and that will help restore only 50 % of her sight.The surgery involves only a one day outpatient surgery but the recovery requires her to be on her stomach for three weeks so that the patch that is placed on the back of her eye ball stays put long enough to adhere. She needs both eyes done, but only one eye can be done at a time.

So yesterday, I sat in my house having a one on one discussion with God. I asked Him when is enough, enough for her? I know they say God gives you what you can handle, but I say she has had enough DARN IT! She has not had one day to enjoy her retirement that required a day just for her pure enjoyment without dealing with the burdens of others or suffering from one ailment after another. It is just not fair. God sat and listened to me and I sure he stepped over me attending to the needs of others while listening much like I used to when my kids through there tantrums in the middle of the isle of the grocery store. And when I was done, He placed me on his lap, dried my eyes and assured me that He had everything in control.

He placed a bandage on my boo boo and told me to get back to work.

Father, I know that you have control over everything in my life. I know that you do the same for others. I am sorry that I behaved like a child today and threw my little tantrum. I am especially grateful that you love me anyway. Help me to be strong and in control so that I can take care of my mom like she and you have taken care of me. Amen

Do you know the voice of your Shepard?

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I seen this fantastic clip on Good Morning America the other day that involved a sheep herder and his flock of sheep.  The sheep herder would ask “Hello my sheep”, and they would respond back, “Baaaaa”.  He would then ask, “how are my sheep today?”  They once again called back, “Baaaa”.

 Next he asked a question that I have heard before but today, it really spoke to me.  He asked,  “Who’s your Daddy?” and they returned with “Baaaa”.

This really struck something with in me.

 Jesus is my Shepard.  Do I know him as my daddy? Can I call back to him in good times and bad when he asks, “Denise, who is your daddy?”  A lump came to my throat because seventeen years ago, I did not know him as my “father” in this sense.

I knew him as God the Father, but the word Daddy means so much more.  It means he knows me personally and I too had to get to a point where I was familiar which his voice.  This required a deep, personal relationship with Him.

Friend, I hope you too are familiar with the voice of your Shepard.   

Father, I am thankful to come to know you and your voice so that I may hear you call out to me in the every day busyness of my life.  I am also glad to say that I can know you as my Daddy. 

Hanging on to God’s word

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This past week was one of many mixed emotions.  I was flooded with pride, happiness, joy, sadness and uncertainty.  I knew that the day would be coming when I watched my daughter move into her own house, taking on some very big responsibilities.  But it was not until the trailer was loaded with the last box of her belonging that I could not help to feel like grabbing her by the leg and dragging her back in.  

I knew that as parents, her father and I had done all that we could to prepare her for this day but part of my still wondered if she still needed our support financially. She has worked all summer saving up a large reserve in her savings and she has a job to go to while attending school but I still wanted to hand her every dollar I had in my purse.

God during this time gently had his hand on my shoulder whispering that He is in control.  He always has been and that I was a ninny to be worrying about her.  I needed to loosen my grip and that was so hard.  Harder than I ever imagined.

We also had two more milestones take place this last week.  

My middle daughter Kayla, who was my premie miracle child became a Senior and is looking forward to a future of her own.  

Abby, my surprise gift from God, became a middle schooler.  She is taking school having a teacher for each subject, a mouthful of metal for the third time and an attitude that leaves us saying ” here we go again”.  Sadly for the last time. 

God has promised us that if we do our jobs as parents to train them loving Him and relying on His power that He will watch over them. He also said and that they as individuals will not stray far off the trail that lies ahead.

I know that they need to grow and  become “independent”.  Unfortunately, that takes them making choices on their own and making mistakes that mold them as individuals. It is very hard as a mother, not to intervene and letting those mistakes happen.  But I do know that they are wonderful girls and that they have beautiful hearts and those qualities that they have be given by God will take them a long way.

God, I pray that you help me sit back now and enjoy the fruits of my labor. I pray that the girls will first come to you when they need help in any aspects of their lives.  I know that they have never been mine in the first place and that you used me to help you grow them up.  I thank you for that privilage.  Amen

 

Great Book reads

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While the kids have been home this summer, I have taken the time to rest my fingers and read some new books.  There are many out now that are very good reads and that are hard to put down.  

I love stories that are true and ones that really pull at the heart strings.  Here are two really great ones to get you going.

Inconceivable written by Carolyn and Sean savage.

This story is their true life story about their experience with artificial fertility treatments and the unimaginable problems that could occur.  I had a tough time wiping the tears the last two chapters but the story portrays their strength and bond with God.  It is a beautiful story that I would have liked to see end differently than it did.  

The next story that is a good recommendation is called Proof of Heaven written by Eban Alexander MD.  This story has is moments when you need to reread the words over and over to see what he is saying  because at times it is written like a doctor would speak.  This is a true story of a doctor who is very intelligent, does not believe in God and comes  down with a viral strain of Spinal Meningitis.  He goes into a coma for awhile but what he discovers while in that comma brings him to back to health and he leaves medicine to tell people about his conversion to believing in heaven and God.  It’s a hard read because of the terminology but you put that aside and the meat and potatoes of the book comes out and proves something that only God could reveal to man.  It is powerful and I highly suggest you take the time to read both of these books.  

Take the time to curl up with a book and enjoy the last few weeks of summer time.